Social Participants & Social “Non-Participants”
The purpose of this writing is to lay out the mechanics of what I have come to term the “Social Non-Participant” We all seem to have loved ones that we have a difficult time with and often wonder why. For a lack of definition most people just chock it up as “personality” conflicts.
My sister is one of these people. I recall at the age of 8 it seemed she made a decision that other people owed her much and she had “rights”. She has played that card her whole life. She rubs everyone the wrong way very quickly. It is not that she is not intelligent and, frankly, it is not that she does NOT have a likeable personality, but as she is or becomes engaged in the “Non-Participant” role… it is then that things don’t work out. The Social Non-Participant is this: such individuals have taken on the position where they expect certain behaviors of others, but they do not avail themselves to the expectations of others. They expect to be treated a certain way by everyone else, but they do not endeavor to apply themselves to meet the expectations others may have of them. Society is based on everyone having expectations of each other. Good relationships have a mutual respect and a mutual set of expectations that are clear to both sides and are agreeable to both sides… this is what makes relationships work. My sister does not avail herself to comply with the social demands for her to mutually participate in giving to others what they need, which is basic and essential respect, for the most part.
The Social Non-Participant wants respect from everyone else without necessarily giving any respect to anyone else themselves. Then they often wonder why people dislike them so readily or that people treat them differently because they perceive they are like everyone else… when in fact, they are not like the normal social participant. My sister wondered why the family treated her different then other siblings and she still wonders why. The answer is that the rest of us chose to participate in fulfilling the reasonable expectations that others have of us. I respect others around me and I am sensitive to what they may expect of me. I know that others expect me to respect them… but if I have chose to be a Social Non-Participant I have already chose NOT to respect them because I have chosen NOT to apply myself to submit to any expectations others may have of me. In essence I have said… I am going to make sure I get my rights without granting the rights others may expect of me. It is RIGHT that others may expect certain things of us. Others deserve respect… even if they can be jerks at times. A boss deserves respect even if he/she can be a jerk, because he/she is paying for certain expectations. But, in the social arena we all OWE it to others to apply ourselves in ways that will fulfill the expectations others have of us. Our expected payment in that regard is that others will do the same for us. To say that we do NOT owe this to anyone is the core attitude of the Social Non-Participant. Those who are Social Non-Participants are, in fact, in rebellion to almost everything because it requires they fulfill the expectations of others. Social Non-Participants perceive that they don’t have to fulfill the expectations of others at all. They perceive that to fulfill the expectations others have of them is to be “CONTROLED” by others and the resentment is increased even more and the volatility of their behavior increases. They resent having to fulfill the expectations that society places upon them, but the truth is… there can be NO functional society without mutual expectations of each other… it is called “CO-OPERATION”.
The error Social Non-Participants make is that just because they are a person they have a right to expect much from others, without allowing others to expect anything of them. They will protect themselves vehemently, but will not allow others that same level of behavior. It is true of a Social Non-Participant that they would not at all like or tolerate being on the other end of the stick they are wielding themselves. They will disrespect the actions of others, but will behave in ways that will not take into consideration the expectations of others. They are adamant about their “rights” and all that they perceive they have coming to them… but what they fail or have failed to understand is that they DO NOT have this coming to them if they have been a Social Non-Participant. One has to participate in society so as to mutually respect and fulfill the acceptable expectations of those around us. Only when we participate in this manner should we expect “OUR RIGHTS”. If you have not put in the effort to respect others, why then should you expect others to perform as you think they should and why should you think you have any rights or respect coming to you when you have not put out the effort to fulfill the normal, simple and reasonable expectations of those around you?
Why does this type of individual feel as though they are “outcasts” much of the time? Because… in reality… they are outcasts. As they have chosen not to be social participants others will expel them from their social circumstances knowing that they will not play the game according to the established rules… and the established rules are simply mutual respects and mutual participation.
Everyone has a personal bubble. It is invisible, but we all have it. It is that space around us that is our space. We allow certain people in we trust that will respect our bubble. This is the essence of relationships. Social Non-Participants usually do not respect that personal bubble of others while at the same time having a very large bubble of their own which tends to take up a great deal of space. They will usually impinge upon your bubble with the demands of their bubble… which always remains to be all they expect of others without allowing others to expect anything of them. They feel “picked on” when others address them with the expectations that are normal. They continue to think they are unjustly picked on because they are not being treated like others around them. The truth is… they are not being treated the same as others around them because they have not fulfilled the social requirements of being a mutual participant in society. They have chosen NOT TO BE a participant. Such people only seek to exist or survive on a minimal effort basis. The streets and the mental institutions are populated with people who chose to be Social Non-Participants. It has been shown that the single most contributing factor for those having emotional and mental problems is due to a self-centered nature and perspective. It has also been proven that the single most contributing factor for those getting well from emotional and mental disorders are those who have chosen to focus on the needs and expectations of others rather than their own. There is a severe price to pay for being a Social Non-Participant. It is an unhappy life with no expectations of a happy future. There can be NO happy future for such an individual. They have set in motion the very thing that is destroying the present and will surely rob the future. Such people isolate more and more and by that are plagued with repetitive depression or are clinically depressed on a continual basis. No amount of counseling and no amount of trying to define and file all the wrongs done to them by others will ever make them well. We all have to absorb the wrongs done to us if we are going to survive in a healthy manner. There is NO SUCH THING as holding on to grudges and expecting to have a healthy emotional life or stable mental state.
The Social Non-Participant will often do things that are not respectful of others. When this occurs the certain issue may be addressed, but… only that one action is addressed and not the mechanics of why it is all wrong in the first place. I am writing down here what is the mechanics of the Social Non-Participant and the way for them to get well is to participate in society on a mutual level. It means to not expect more of others then you are allowing them to expect of you. My sister does not allow anyone to expect anything of her… she is a Social Non-Participant and has been since she was 8 years old and she has not been emotionally well since she was 8 years old. This whole thing also causes a “socially arrested development”. At the point the person has decided to be a non-participant is the point they have ceased in their maturity. My sister is still “SOCIALLY 8 YEARS OLD” and then wonders why people have to treat her like a child. She is close to 60 years old now, but… socially she is still a child and is always throwing some kind of “social childish tantrum” it is ONLY BY MUTUAL PARTICIPATION IN SOCIETY THAT WE CAN GROW AND MATURE SOCIALLY.
It is not enough, nor will it work to just address the action or actions of the Social Non-Participant. The mechanics of the behavior needs to be understood which will give them an understanding of how and why they behave the way they do and why it is that others and society in general treat them different. Once they understand the mechanics and still choose to be the Non-Participant than they truly choose a path of rebellion against society and against God. There are NO bright outcomes for such choices. They will never reap the benefits of good relationships and they will never reap the benefits of what God has for them. They will never reap the benefit of coming to realize that people who have been trying to help them have not been their enemies, but have been, in fact, loving friends or family members who have been (often for many years) trying to get this condition resolved. The condition has never been so defined before as it is here. Before most people have just been pushed to the point of chocking the person just to try get the insanity to stop… only then to add to the Non-Participants perception that they are truly hated and treated different than others; which is true… but it is true for a reason that may not have been defined until now.
For the most part we are all where we are because of the choices we have made. Lots of people were raised in bad homes; yet they have grown into very admirable people. Why? Because they chose to process life in the right manner. Hating what may have been done to us in life to the point we choose to become Social Non-Participants is not the right choice and will only serve to trap and destroy the person who makes that choice. It is a mechanical structure that was created and formed by Satan, because he is the enemy of our souls and knows how to trap us if he can.
With this article it should be clear now the mechanics of how some people are brought into this bondage and with this understanding now one can rise up and gain deliverance. Deliverance will come with the decision to change from being a Social Non-Participant into a Social Participant who governs their behavior toward others, as they would have others govern their behavior towards them. And did not the Lord already provide this key to freedom when He said, “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you”? In that single statement God laid out the way to freedom and the conditions required to attain it.
Part of the trap of the Social Non-Participant is to feel picked on. With the understanding as laid out here it may be given to them in hopes of them breaking free… they may yet feel picked on that they may still reject the wisdom and understanding as is laid out here, but… it will only delay their healing. There is only one way and one way only to the healing of such a person and that is to stop being a Non-Participant and become a Social Participant on the level others are already achieving. The person who decides to become well and change may be somewhat awkward at being socially involved in the right manner and may need some help in achieving that, but those who have loved them all along are likely very willing to assist in this as they have been looking for an answer to all this as much as the person who has been trapped… maybe even more so. To see a loved one start to become well after a period (maybe a long period) of time being so sick… they are indeed willing to offer assistance in this pursuit.
With the writing of this article I should think and hope it will serve to help heal the Non-Participant and to bring release and relief to all those who have been effected by this condition. The answer to the healing and the resolve of this issue is laid out here. It only need be applied by the person caught in this condition. Should the person who is a Social Non-Participant choose to persist in their way of life after reading this then they do so of free will knowing full well now what are and will be the results. Those who have taken this article and tried to have a loved one or friend read it they know are caught in this condition should rejoice to see the friend or loved one start to heal and be released or, should their friend or loved one chose to continue on the path they have chosen then one should release themselves of the burden they have carried for this person and cease to carry the responsibilities that have risen up because of the Non-Participants actions.
This article then is the freedom and release for the Social Non-Participant if they apply the information and understanding as laid out here and is also the release for those who have fought this battle on behalf of friends or loved ones.
A suggestion is added here for the person wishing to become well by choosing now to become a social participant is to read Proverbs in the Bible in the Amplified version. This book is a good compilation of the social expectations we should all have of each other. Proverbs reveals just how we should adjust ourselves so we may participate in society as is expected, as is right, as is healthy and as it will bring healing to the individual who has yet to achieve a correct social position in life.