What then is an Apostle?
I seek to know the Lord and I am ready to betray myself in search of it. The prophets prophecy and then make excuses for their prophecies. Mixed in with the prophetic there is a mess of confusion and words of the flesh and lies thrown in. It grieves me terribly to the point I question whether prophecy is of any benefit. Those who have prophesied things that have not come true lean upon the excuse that all prophecy is contingent on what we do to bring it about. This places God's promises all contingent upon us and that He cannot fulfill His word despite us. This concept is a ploy cults use to keep their victims captive. I am sick of the clouds without rain - the promises that have not come and the endless excuses as to why they have not. I do not believe in; nor want to serve a God who is so reliant upon my behavior to be able to fulfill His promises. The God I believe in says He WILL do something and then He DOES it. Only a lie must be covered with more lies or more excuses and there is no question in my mind that we have been inundated with such words, prophecies and promises that have not originated from God. The question is what to do about it and how many will take a serious enough position in this to seek the truth. How many will seek clarity and truth from God. How many will seek further refuge in the many delusions that now prevail. We have expected to have come to a banqueting table by now, but we continue to be fed slop fit only for pigs or the regurgitated food others vomit up for us to eat.
If it is a defining factor that the hearts cry of an apostle is for the health and sanity of God's people - then I am an apostle. If it is a defining characteristic of an apostle that he discerns truth and error as exhibited in the behavior of the sheep and can see what should be done to protect the sheep - then I am an apostle. If it is a sign of an apostle that his all consuming desire is for the health, growth and protection of the sheep far outweighs his desire for acceptance or recognition of his office - even to his own hurt - then I am an apostle. If it is a sign of an apostle that righteous anger rises up in him whenever someone uses God's word in error or for purposes of manipulation then I am most certainly an apostle. If it is an apostle that is so stirred in spirit when those around him do not rightly divide the word of God according to truth - then I am an apostle. If it is the heart of an apostle to deal gently and mercifully with the sheep knowing well his own nature - then I am an apostle. But, also if it is the heart of an apostle that fury rises up in him against the wolves, the rebellious and the liars - then, in that I can really assume I am an apostle. It is the nature of a "false" apostle to establish a name and a place for himself having none of the concerns mentioned here. And a false apostle will seek to proclaim himself as such early on. I have not done that because my concern has not been in what people think of me or what they consider my office or calling to be. My concern is for the sheep and the lost and what condition they are in. My concern is for what should be done to dress their wounds and what foods they should be given to increase their strength and health.
If it is the heart of an apostle to bring the Body of Christ to maturity and strength so that the harvest of lost souls can be brought in effectively then - I am an apostle. A true apostle will disdain manipulation and servitude of the sheep for personal agendas. I disdain such behavior. A true apostle will be keenly aware of his need for a Savior and the blood of Christ to cover his life - so I am an apostle in that regard - as Paul thought of himself. A true apostle will seek with all his heart to extend the mercies and Grace of God to others that he desires and needs for himself. A false apostle will think himself Holy or on his way by his own effort and will seek or demand the servitude of the sheep under his leadership.
A true apostle is not a dictator over the sheep - he is, with all of his heart, a protector of the sheep seeing more clearly the dangers that wandering or sickly sheep may encounter. A true apostle carries the shepherds’ staff of wisdom, which is used to extract the sheep from thorn bushes they have been entangled in. A false apostle does not extract the sheep from being entangled. He does not have a heart of tender mercies that will lovingly and tenderly bring one out from thorny places. A false apostle is angered at them and does not use his staff to extract them, but rather uses it to further beat the sheep. A false apostle will divide the word of God according to how it will serve his agenda and not God's. It is said that the butcher goes behind the sheep with a rod beating the sheep to move forward to the slaughter. This is the false apostle. The true apostle will use the technique of a good shepherd. When he desires the sheep to follow he will lift up and carry a lamb and walk forward. A true apostle will lift up the Lamb of God and carry it forward and the sheep will follow. Sheep are to be led not driven. That is another defining quality between a false or true apostle. A false apostle wants a following on a course laid out by himself. A true apostle wants only to lead the sheep into lush and green pastures on a course that is laid out by God. If it is a quality of a true apostle to look and see that the sheep are eating in fouled pastures and has a heart to lead the sheep into good pastures - then I am an apostle. A false apostle leads the sheep into foul pastures and says it is good. A true apostle knows the stink of a foul pasture and desires with all his heart that the sheep could be brought from foul pastures into good pastures. The true apostle declares the foul pasture foul and the false apostle is offended and angry and is determined to keep the sheep in that foul place.
Do I have a desire to be called an apostle? NO! And I would resist any who would seek to assert such a thing. I assist apostles and prophets, but I do not hold the office of an apostle. Do I desire to hold the office of an apostle? Absolutely! - IF it meant truly that I might lead the sheep to good pasture. I would be a fool NOT to desire the office if it meant leading the sheep to good pasture and it is that, that I care about, not the title or the recognition. My heart is tore up that I see the sheep eating in fouled pastures under the manipulating control of false apostles and shepherds who are so bound up and committed to their own hearts and NOT the heart of God. Do I hate their ways? Yes! And I can hardly bare to see it go on.
A true apostle sees the needs of the sheep. There is discernment beyond what the sheep can see for themselves. A false apostle does not see the needs of the sheep, but he sees the desire of his own heart and sets forth a course to it proclaiming it is God's will that will take the sheep to good pastures. This is however a course that leads to pastures that are even more foul then the one they left. How is it we have seen the results of Jonestown, Waco and Heaven's Gate and not taken more heed? We have now also established an excuse for ALL false prophets, false apostles and cults to have accepted as sound doctrine by saying that all prophecy is contingent on "us". We have then no way to address the false prophets or cults having made them all credible when their prophecies prove not to be true and further having provided them with an excuse as to why, it being the failure of some to fulfill their obligation to their prophecies. As long as we hold to this doctrine we have no leverage, no power and no authority to rebuke any cult or false prophet. Bodies that have accepted this doctrine are those who have given a word in error, but instead of "owning" their mistake and seeking to repent of it have adapted this as a way to make sense of the error in a way that would give excuse rather than bring repentance. Would a true apostle see this pit fall? I would certainly expect so and would hope so! Do I declare I am an apostle? NO! I do not! Do I seem to see and discern as I would expect an apostle to? Yes! Absolutely! Do I want others to think of me as an apostle! No! Do I want the sheep healthy and brought into good pastures? Yes! More than anyone can ever know! What would I care if I were acknowledged as an apostle if the sheep stay sick and wounded? If I were a false apostle I would be enjoying the pursuit of my own desires. The fact that I am miserable and grieved and desire better for God's people at least shows me that I am not after my own heart or agenda.
I look and see around me how uncomfortable many are with the idea of change coming. Some know apostles are being raised up for the sake of the Body but many think that entails going through more abuse. I also see many who are praising God knowing apostles are being raised up, but who think they have nothing in themselves that needs changing. I worry over how hard they will defend and excuse those things that need changing and I also know they are expecting an apostle that looks any other way then how I may look to them. Christ came riding in on a jackass and not a white horse as many had thought. I know I am no white horse. I DO know fully what a jackass I am!